Beauty. Back in the USA.

I am back in US. Must admit, I am sad and tired. I miss the smells of hot chilies, the beauty of Balinese hips proudly prancing the streets, the laughter shaking unashamed from potbellies full of rice. Of course, it is always an adjustment and I am without words at the moment to describe all the differences in thoughts and emotions that I feel. What sticks out most to me at the moment is the strikingly different perspectives the Balinese and Americans have about beauty. I have been reading bits and pieces of a biography about Isadora Duncan and I believe she sums it up best: "One might be lead to believe that woman are incapable of knowing beauty as an Idea, but I think this only seems so, not because women are incapable of perceiving beauty but only because they are at present blind to the chief means in their power of understanding True Beauty. Through the eyes beauty most readily finds a way to the soul, but there is another way for woman -perhaps an easier way - and that is through the knowledge of their bodies... Not by thought or contemplation of beauty only, but by the living of it, will woman learn. And as form and movement are inseparable, I might say that she will learn by that movement which is in accordance with the beautiful form...Woman is to learn beauty of form and movement through dance. I believe there is a wonderful undiscovered inheritance for coming womanhood, the old dance which is to become new. She shall be sculpture not in clay or marble but in her own body which she shall endeavor to bring to the highest state of plastic beauty; she shall be a partner, but as part of a great picture, she shall mingle in many groups of new changing light and color. With the movement of her body, she shall find the secret of perfect proportion of line and curve. The art of the dance she will hold as a great well-spring of new life for sculpture, painting and architecture..." -Isadora Duncan, love letter to Gordan Craig Love and beauty to you all. -a

Baris, the Warrior Dance- Finding my Strength

Baris Dancer. Baris Dance is a Balinese warrior dance. It is traditionally danced by young boys and the three little boys that I am living each can dance a mean Baris, particularly Bayu, the six-old youngest. The dance is strong, fast and fierce. I love it even though it absolutely kills me in the heat. In the dance, I get to express a strength and a passion that I didn't know I had until I came to Bali. Perhaps its the hot weather or the spicy chili sauce, but in Bali I have felt the heat of a whole new inner flame inspired by this dance that I have come to love so much. I love the sharp eyes, the moving necks, the flying fingers, the groundingof the deep piles, the playfulness of the swaying heads and the characters in each face. I truly feel like I have found a dance that I have been looking for a long time or perhaps a dance that I danced before. Either way, I am grateful. This trip to Bali has proven to me the importance of following our heart's passions and also the incredible strength that this entails. Like the Baris warrior, sometimes we must flight for what we love. Many of you might know the craziness of my life before coming to Bali, leaving Portland, yoga students, yoga job etc... All really hard to let go of but what was harder was the step before, having the strength to listen to my little inner voice as it guides me. Still, here in Bali, I am continually calling upon the Baris' warrior strength to listen, to discern and to to trust. I have found such freedom in this strength to listen to my heart, in dancing this strength in Baris and living my passions in Bali. I find it in the little things, like in feeding myself well or in appreciating my body's uniqueness when I dance, having patience with myself and allowing myself the opportunity to be a beginner. When my actions reflect my inner compass, (and they don't always, it's a learner curve for sure,) I feel such a satisfaction. I feel integrity. Baris Dancer

where i write you

My computer.

Where I write. A tiny internet cafe with ten cubicles. I sit on a little cushion, while a mix of Balinese pop and Celine Deon play on the radio. It is fun. Sometimes very hot, but mostly fun. And very close to Sukawati Market where I can grab some fried bananas afterwards... :)




one of ten little computer cubicals..

Ibu Dinu, I love you

Ibu Dinu, my food savior!

I visit Ibu Dinu's warong at least two times a day. First for fresh papaya or avocado juice and later for gado gado. Ibu's gado gado is the best in Batuan, with rice and tempeh and always extra samblah (the spicy chile sauce) that I love!!

So grateful for my local haunts....



The Indomart- great for everything from fruit to lemon water to aspirin.

Gambuh Ceremony

Temple overlooking Mount Agung

This full moon Saturday, March 19th, was a special holy day here in Bali. To celebrate, the group performed Gambuh at the mother temple that overlooks Mount Agung.

Gambuh might be my favorite dance of Bali. It is an ancient sacred dance with flute music and singing. It is incredibly difficult in its subtleties.

The group performed and then we ate and prayed. The day itself was hectic. We had to leave at 6am to drive to temple. The weather was bizarre. Nineties in the morning followed by heavy rain and then deep heat. Needless to say, many of us, myself included, got sick. But the Gambuh was well worth it!

Below Ibu Ketut (Jimat's fourth daughter) and Ibu Sekar, my Gambuh teacher, get ready for performance.

Gado Gado

Gado Gado or fried vegeatbles with peanut sauce is by far my favorite dish here. I can grab it at almost any warong (of course, I have my favorite). Warongs, or a little shack with hot food, tea nad tons of Balinese snacks cover all the streets in Bali. It's the local place to go, eat and socialize.

Best to add Samblah-- the hot chili sauce that is to die for! (if you like spicy) to everything!!!

Makan! Makan! Makan!

Eat! Eat! Eat!

Noh and Balinese Dance collaboration

Photo of rehearsal.

This past week I had the honor and pleasure of being able to watch the rehearsals and final performance of a dance collaboration between Balinese master dancer Jimat, Balinese master opera singer and a Noh master from Japan!

Of course, these experience masters rehearsed for a mere two days to make this simple and moving piece. I am always impressed by how experienced dancers are not afraid to use simplicity in their work. Both moved with a sense of ease, poise and clarity.

The plot was none other than the theme of Balance which seems pretty consistent here in Bali!

getting dressed for temple dancing!

Los Maria getting her hair done. This is step one.

To celebrate the New Year, the village of Batuan hosts its final rajan dance ceremony (which had been going on every night at 8.00pm in the temple). My dancers, including me, have gone to dance together for an hour of son, this very sweet, slow and soft dance. The dance happens in the Temple from October to March to prepare for the New Year. For the last dance, the women can wear full costumes! So Los Maria had Sri (daughter of of dancer teacher Sekar) dress her up!

I stayed around for most of the two hours it took to prepare!!!
Dancing was great. Later this week, a man from the village asked if I would sign the photo that he took of me dancing at the temple! He was shocked to see, "a white woman dance Balinese beautiful." I think that was a compliment!

Sri wrapping Wayan up like a present to dance...!

Nyepi

The entryway to my room.

The Balinese begin their New Year's Day with Nyepi. A truly Balinese day. This day is spent in complete silence, alone and in your room. You are asked to create no fire- meaning no cooking and electricity, and no inward fire such as angry or strong emotions. It is a day for inward reflection and rest.

Of course, pratical as ever, the Balinese make exceptions for eating for children or lights for babies, but if possible, you are asked to be still and quiet. And Putu and her family, certaintly was. Her three little boys (ages 6-11) were silent as ever! And all the city was too. No stores are open, no cars or motorbikes on the street and no street lights!

I spent the day in my room- sleeping, meditating, doing light yoga, drinking water and juice, napping, reading and journaling. It was a blissful day! At night, I have never experienced such darkness! No electricity whatsoever. Even though, I basically laid around all day, I slept so well!

And when I could speak today, I really felt ready for a new year. Everyone seems refreshed and happy. It's truly great. I love Nyepi.


My bed.

More on Agogo

Picture of men carrying Arjuna as they sing and dance!

So the afternoon of Agogo was spent first at the temple praying (will describe prayer soon!) And then eating and then Agogo parade essentially. Basically at around eight, everyone arrives at their local temple (of course wearing traditional clothes which one must wear at any ceremony). At the temple, you get a good seat and hope your butt doesn't go numb from sitting on concrete for maybe three hours! Because then the village parades its Agogos! These are huge statues of different demons and gods made mostly out of Styrofoam with a bamboo base from which 10-15 men carry this Balinese style float.
So first, all Agogos are presented of course with live music (as more men carry along drums). Batuan had eight total. All unique. Some grutesque, others sexual, some funny and some quite heroic. After all have been initially displayed, each one is redisplayed with a little show. Each show is different. All have live music, some with full choral songs and chants, others with full length dance numbers, others with a story etc..! It is a real show! So much time is clearly spent preparing these little skits for the village and alas, this is how the Balinese celebrate their New Year's eve!
After all have been displayed, we parade back to our house, following which ever Agogo's are headed that way!


Los Maria and I watching Agogo!!

Jimat ceremony on Agogo

Jimat performing the Old Man Topeng at Temple Ceremony. Why the Old Man has a rock star wig, I do not know....??

Jimat took Los Maria, (woman from Columbia here fro six months) I (Japanese woman here for a year) and myself to watch him perform for a temple ceremony early morning on Agogo. Agogo is the day before the Balinese New Year for the demons... It is a time to honor them and ask them not to die or disapear (as this would upset them and the balance of life) . Rather, it is a time to ask the demons to return to their place and restore balance for new year.

Jimat and three other dancers performed a dance with various singing parts, it was quite lovely....



Car ride with Los Maria and I! On way to temple at 7.00 am, we are excited!

Festival with Jimat

A week and a half ago (I know I do not get to internet fast enough, sorry!) Jimat took Galu (a Javanese dancer) and myself to see him perform at a ceremony. We packed into his old jeep and battled the huge rainstorm on our way to a village near Ubud. First, we arrived at Santu's house. Santu is a young philosophical man who has been studying dance with Jimat since age five. It is his temple that Jimat and him will perform some Topeng masks dances this night.
Santu kindly greeted us with umbrellas, tea and cookies as we stalled at his house. The ceremony was of course starting late. It is half past eight when we arrive at the temple, carrying our baskets of masks and costumes to the stage. We are given tea and snacks (always there is some kind of snack given at ceremonies - usually rice with sugar, banana, coconut something..."don't ask, just makan/eat!" I am told). Then we prayed and watched the perfomance.
Really, the highlight of the evening, was the after-party - dinner with Santu's whole family. His wife prepared rice with chicken, tempeh, nuts and samblah (hot chili sauce- soo good!). We washed our hands and served ourselves rice and sides and ate with hands. To serve chicken was a huge deal for Santu and he insisted I have some, so I agreed. Must admit though that the vegetarian in me really no longer has any taste for chicken, but the offering I loved. The whole family sat patiently ensuring I had a huge plate to eat before they touched a piece of food themselves, generosity might be an understatement. I devoured the whole offering with my right hand, bit by bit, lick by lick.
Santu hopes to travel to the west to teach Philosophy. He is very passionate about the Balinese version of Hinduism. To him, this religion is broken down into two parts- meditation for yourself and dances and ceremonies for how you relate to others and celebrate life. His faith, according to him, can be summoned up into the phrase, "letting go." His whole family was quite curious about me and America, yoga and spirituality in the West. I left his gracious family feeling restored and comforted. Jimat kindly drove me home to Purnati (was still there at the time) well past midnight to rest before dance class with him the next morning! Great night! -a

Onwards...

The temple at Purnati

Over the past two weeks, I have been studying dance with Djimat and Secar, Balinese dance masters and choreographing at Purnati. I have been taking class for four hours a day! It has been exciting and exhausting! Tomorrow, I will leave Bali Purnati, to leave with Djimat and his family in Batuan. This will allow me to watch rehearsals and make a collaborative dance piece with his son’s contemporary dance company! Very exciting indeed and also an excellent opportunity to live like a typical Balinese woman. Starting tomorrow no hot showers or air conditioning! I will miss Purnati and the swimming pool, but I am excited to be more integrated with the Balinese culture! Onwards….

Purnati Pavillion

Barong & Randga, The Dance of Balance!

Photo of Dwi and her son Gadek

At Purnati, I have a very sweet friendship with Kadek (second born) Dwi and her son, Gadek. We drove to Ubud and watched Barong dance the other night! It is my favorite Balinese tourist dance. It tells the story of an unhappy and evil, widow, who takes the form of Rangda – the evil spirit. The priests and townspeople assemble to defeat her with the help of Barong- a half lion, half bear beast who represents the good spirit. He defeats the widow but Randga is not killed, nor is her defeat shown on stage. This is for two reasons, one, to not upset Rangda and secondly, because the Balinese believe that a happy ending is not when good defeats evil but rather when the two find a happy balance! Hmm… sounds realistic to me.

Below is a picture of Barong:

A Dance of Feeling

Photo of dance piece I made in Chicago at Temple Gallery, Fall 2010.

In Bali, Theater and Dance are not two separate art forms. A dancer sings, talks, mimes and most importantly, feels. Emotion is a main and necessary ingredient. Very often, my dance friends here will ask me, “do you feel it?”
After dance class with Djimat, my friend Yuda drove me on motorbike back to Purnati, the sight of my Artist Residency. I showed him the theater here and then some pieces of contemporary dance choreography. He was very interested and yet, like a typical Balinese, very honest. He wanted to know why there is no feeling in contemporary dance. Of course, this is his opinion based upon limited you-tube videos, etc.. But nonetheless, it really is interesting to me how much Balinese dance and dancers value strong facial expressions and theatrically. If you know my dancing, you would know this suits me a lot. I am really enjoying being able to join my two passions of theatre and dance here and learn new ways to explore this connection.
A piece of a poem from a Balinese artist and poet, Kang Manhang:

I feel God’s face through dancing
Dancing is the gateless gate to
The divine
ThroughtDance one of the deepest
Meditations is possible
Whenever there is no ego and the
Dance
Is pure then you invite God as an
Audience
Dance is the most complete act on earth

Acting as a watcher
Moving as a Dancer
Dancing as a meditator.

Legong Dance

Kebyar Dancer

Legong Dance originates from the Balinese courts. This dance tells of the story of a prince who wants a princess who already has a love. He stills pursues her, only to die in battle fighting for her. My favorite part of this piece is actually the prelude dance called Kebyar Duduk or Taruna Jaya. This contemporary dance from North Bali depicts the feelings and undertakings of adolescence of a young boy (but it is danced by a woman). The fast, precise movement shows such strength and energy and yet there is a sense of anxiety, fear and anticipation in the movement that comes with being young and beginning one’s life journey.

A new meaning to 420, the Balinese Calendar

(Above) Batuan Temple

Before watching the temple dancing last half moon, I walked around the local temple in Batuan. Jiwa explained to me about the Balinese calendar which has 420 days in the year, and each Balinese celebrates their birthday every 120 days, so twice a year with a ceremony. Hmm, that sounds like a good idea. Not sure how that all adds up, but I like it….

Batuan Temple Ceremony

(Above) The front line of dancers at the ceremony.

This is a ceremony at the local temple in Batuan (small town outside of Ubud). It is a local ceremony in which all attendees must wear proper clothing and it is performed whenever the town can collect enough cakes to serves. The cakes are white rice with coconut on top and quite good. Jiwa, a friend of mine, took me to his house and his wife dressed me to attend. I had to make sure I had no female problems (no period) and that I washed my hair.
The ceremony dance for this event was not too formal. The women lined up and walked from one end of the temple to the other. Upon completion of their very slow and concentrated walk, they received two cakes to eat! It took about two hours or so. At the end of line of women, anyone is welcome to join in and follow along.
There are women and young children sitting around to watch and the men hung around the edges of the temple smoking. In Bali, men smoke, women don’t (at least not in public). The dance felt sweet, gentle, slow and majestic. Just a simple walk had so many details, it really is marvelous.

(Above) Sita walking towards the infamous healing old man.

As is so happened, my airport ride and I miscommunicated (I arrived at midnight, making it the 10th but Balinese still consider this the 9th) so no one showed up to get me I arrived in Bali. But the man sitting next me on my flight (a trader in Bali) actually predicted as much before I even arrived in Bali and he had me travel with him back to Ubud!
And as fate would have it, our driver was a Kecak dancer. So, this is how I ended up seeing Kecak dance my first night in Bali.
Kecak Dance is performed twice a week in Bali for tourists of course, along with Fire or Trance Dance (dance in which a man with a fake horse on this back walks across coconuts on fire! It's absolutely ridiculous!) These Bali tourist dances such as Kecak, Legong, Barong, to name a few, are not like the ceremony dances that Balinese attend, they are shorter and made for a foreigner. However, they still worth seeing for they display artistic talent and cutural history.
In any case, Kecak is unique because there is no gamelan orchestra accompanying it. Instead, a troupe of over 150 bare-chested men serve as the chorus, making synchronized "chak-achak-achak" or "shi, shi, shei" or "OM" clicking sounds while swaying their bodies and waving their hands.
Taken from the Hindu epic Ramayana, the dance tells the story of Prince Rama and his rescue of Princess Sita, who has been kidnapped by the evil King of Lanka.
I could not help being impressed by how well story is portrayed through simple sounds and gestures. It is also quite funny and male chorus really enjoys themselves. One man in particular was so cute, he smiled the entire performance!

Bali, Yes Yes Yes

Photo of me at Lincoln Park Conservatory before leaving Chicago for Bali.

As I dance between excitement and utter shock at my being able to be head to Bali for two months, I feel a little undeserving. Should one really be this nice to oneself? Then and I stumbled across this poem…
God says yes to me
By Kaylin Haught
I asked God if it was okay to be melodramatic
And she yes
I asked her if it was okay to be short
Or not wear nail polish
And she said honey
She calls me that sometimes
She said you can do just exactly
What you want to
Thanks God I said
And is it even okay if I don’t paragraph
My letters
Sweetcakes God said
Who knows where she picked that up
What I’m telling you is
Yes Yes Yes

2011 A Year of Heart

Wild Geese

by Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain

are moving across the landscapes, over the prairies and the deep trees,the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting — over and over announcing your place in the family of things.

A dear friend sent me this poem. It inspired my new year's resolution:
to be kind to me.
I have recently discovered how comfortable I am practing compassion towards others and yet, I am quite a novice with being kind to myself! I invite you to enjoy your year. Enjoy yourself. Enjoy holding yourself so softly in the palm in of your hand before you spread your wings and soar high, low and home. Happy New Year!